If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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