turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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