Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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