I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize