census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
