I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize