I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
