Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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