So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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