Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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