So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
