Porn is love you can see.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
