Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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