All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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