And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
