Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
