Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize