you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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