Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
