Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ladies don't puke and tell
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
