Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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