I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
