her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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