You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
