Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
