friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
