why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
