walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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