We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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