I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
