I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
