I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
