He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
