Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
