He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize