My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
