literally had 100 drinks last night.
Soap is not a condiment
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
