Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
