You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
