I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
