you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
