I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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