Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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