dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its not stalking. its research.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize