Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
