What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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