my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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