Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
