i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
