this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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