If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
