she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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