you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
