Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
