First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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