she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
