I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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