have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
