Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
