No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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