So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize