so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
