There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
