I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
