think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
