We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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