she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
