I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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