Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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