I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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