she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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