I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
