too bad you live with your parents still
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
