I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
