Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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