Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
