it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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