If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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