When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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