8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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