It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
